Holy Fool
by marcxlash
Summary: Set after Rocco's death. Murphy is having a hard time coping with his guilt, until he receives an unexpected visit from an old friend. Rated M for later chapters/WILL CONTAIN SLASH.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own, no harm intended.

**Word Count: **2,378

**Pairings: **Conn/Murph in later chapters.

**Chapter Rating: **PG/PG-13? I'm not entirely sure. I know it's not too bad, though.

**A.N:** Why? Because, there aren't enough Rocco fic's! Rocco was my absolute favorite character - besides the twins, of course - and he's just hilarious! This will be a **chapterfic**, it will contain slash later on/twincest - whatever. It's not personal favorite, but I have big plans for it. I'm on a boondock high at the moment so, to any of you who also enjoy reading my Gossip Girl fic's: I will not be updating for a little while. I want to thank **DeathsIssue** for being a total _life saver_! I finally have a beta for my Boondock Fic's and I couldn't be happier! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

It had been a week since the MacManus twins' had felt the harsh rope grinding into their wrists and the hostile feel of fists colliding into every inch of their bodies. It had been exactly one week since Connor had watched Papa Joe Yakavetta walk down into his basement, pistol in hand and firing at will. The sound of the bullet crashing into Rocco, rang in his ears constantly day in and day out**. **The look on Murphy's face as he fell back onto the floor, whimpering and crying played on repeat in the blond's mind. Connor remembered Murphy nuzzling up to Rocco, complete defeat spread across his bloody face. His heart ached and his body felt spent. That night had taken a part of his soul and he could only imagine how hard it affected his younger twin.

Murphy hadn't eaten a full meal since that night. He refused to leave the dingy motels that Smecker insisted they stay in. He had told them they couldn't go home. There were too many cops hot on their trails. Connor knew Murphy would be better if they could just go sleep in their own beds. He wanted his brother to be okay again, he wanted him to stop beating himself up over what had happened.

Murphy hadn't said more than five things since they had arrived at this motel and Connor was starting to worry. The blond had never seen Murphy so distraught. He was unsure of how to care for his brother in this time.

The dark vigilante sat quietly at the small table in the middle of the room. His eyes scanned the off-white colored walls, seeming to search for something that wasn't there.

"Murph?" Connor's voice came out hoarse and cracked. With Murphy not talking, who would Connor talk to?

The smaller male nodded in recognition, turning his body slightly towards the other who was sitting peaceful on the perfectly made bed.

"Come 'ere."

Murphy instantly averted his eyes from the endless wall to his brother whose face was solemn. He stood hesitantly, walking so slowly towards the other, his feet almost drug on the maroon carpet. He fell onto the bed, his shoulders slumped and head hung low.

Connor snaked an arm around the small frame of his other half and pressed his forehead to the side of Murphy's turned face. "We're go'na go out tonigh'."

Murphy scoffed lightly, pulling away from his brothers' grasp, "I don' feel like it." He mumbled standing and walking towards the bathroom.

"Murph…" Connor spoke with sternness, "I want ye to go ou'. Just fer a few drinks."

Connor watched as Murphy's shoulder heaved with a sigh and he knew he had won. He didn't care that Murphy didn't want to go out, he needed to. He needed to keep his mind off of Rocco and away from that night at Yakavetta's.

* * *

The bar was full and it smelled strong of liquor and sweat. The noise was almost unbearable and Murphy silently begged his brother to let him go back to the motel. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be around so many people who he didn't know. This bar was so different from Doc's that it almost made him sick. He wanted to go home; he wanted to go back to how things used to be, before this message from God took place and before he signed his life over to the duties of the Lord. He wanted his brother back; he wanted his best friend back. He didn't know what he was supposed to do anymore. The urge to cry continued to rage inside of him. There wasn't a day that passed by without him thinking of Rocco on the floor, blood pooling from his gun wound. The ache in his chest made Murphy want to scream. He felt empty. His heart wasn't there anymore; his eyes looked but never saw, his mind stopped registering his surroundings. His soul was gone. He had never felt such pain in his life. He had always had Connor and Rocco, no one else. They were his only family and even though Rocco was so different than the twins, Murphy had accepted him in ways that even Connor found difficult. The long haired man could do no wrong in Murphy's eyes.

He was the real saint.

And now he was dead. Murphy couldn't help but believe he played a big part in his demise. He was the one who wanted to recruit the man. Connor had even told Murphy it was his idea. It all just made everything worse.

"-rph? Murph?" Connor seemed to yell through the bar.

The dark haired twin lazily looked away from the walls in the pub, his eyes hazed with confusion.

"Come on."

Conner gripped his brothers' bicep with a firm hand, guiding the smaller man to the bar. They both took a seat and Connor ordered two Guinness's.

As the bottles were heavily set onto the countertop, Murphy felt Connor's arm wrap around his shoulders.

"Ye need t' lighten up." He stated, taking a long swig from his brewed beverage.

"'m fine." Murphy grumbled, following suit. The beer was refreshing. It cleared his throat and sent a chill up his spine. He felt as if he hadn't had a drink in months.

"I know ye ain't, I don'know who ye think yer try'na fool but-"

"Con, can we not talk 'bout'it?"

Connor's sapphire eyes met the mirrored ones of his brother and his mouth fell shut. He nodded in agreement, tightening his grip around Murphy's shoulders. He couldn't help but feel as if his brother were leavin' him. He had never felt so distant from his twin.

The night carried on with little conversation. Connor would say something he thought was witty and he'd get a grunt or a half-hearted chuckle as a response. The blond watched as the younger male kept pouring back beer after beer. Soon there were 9 Guinness's lining the bar in front of the two. Connor looked at his own empty bottles and only saw 4. Maybe taking Murphy out wasn't such a great idea.

The brunette swayed lightly on his bar stool, a small grin plastered on his face. He felt good, he felt alright. He wanted to get back to the motel and sleep. His body screamed for relaxation.

"Conn…" His voice was slurred. Too slurred for only 9 beers, He thought vaguely to himself. "Hey, Conn." He placed a hand lazily on the shoulder of his brother who quietly paid the bill.

"Ya, Murph?" The blond replied, taking his change from the bartender.

"I want te go home."

Connor looked at his brother, whose eyes were clouded over with alcohol. The serenity that played on the slightly younger twins face made the corners of Connor's mouth twitch. Murphy was so innocence, so untouched…so broken. "We're go'n." He replied lightly, wrapping an arm around the small man's waste to keep him steady.

* * *

The motel was only a few blocks away from the bar, but it took almost twenty minutes for the twins to get back. Murphy stumbled the whole way. His ankles kept crossing over one another, causing the man to trip. Despite the firm grasp Connor had on his brother, he couldn't keep the brunette on his feet.

Murphy leaned on the door of the twins' motel room as Connor fished the card key out of his wallet.

"ye okay?" The blond asked, gently sliding the plastic into the door handle.

Murphy unnoticeably nodded, pulling away from the door frame as it opened. He swayed back and forth as he stumbled over to his bed, and fell face first into the comfort of the sheets.

Connor studied his brother with a smile on his face, _at least he'll sleep good tonight_, he silently said to himself, as he stripped his jacket off and laid back onto his own stiff mattress.

* * *

_Murphy could feel the rope digging into the tender flesh of his wrists. The more he struggled the worse it felt. But, he couldn't help himself. He watched as Yakavetta walked with pure hate gleaming in his eyes. The gun in his hand rose into the air and all Murphy could hear was Connor's pleas._

"_God, No!" _

_The ear shattering volume of the bullet flying from the barrel screamed into Murphy's head. He watched helplessly as Rocco flew backwards in his chair, landing with a loud THUMP onto the ground._

Murphy gasped, sitting upright on the old mattress. His body was covered in sweat and his breathing hoarse. He could feel his heart beating in his ears, his temples throbbed and his head ached. He darted his eyes towards his brother who was sound asleep in the opposing bed.

This was the first time Murphy had ever woken alone from a frightful dream.

"'bout time. I've been waiting for your ass to wake up."

Murphy's breath caught in his throat as the familiar voice rang high in the air. _I'm still dreaming_, He whispered in his thoughts.

"You two Mick's haven't been do'n too well, huh?"

Murphy slowly averted his vision from his sleeping twin and almost cowardly brought them towards the deep Italian accent. Tears stung his eyes as he took in the calm, serene look of Rocco, who was sitting at the small table in the middle of the room. His feet propped up in a chair.

"Don't look at me like that, Murph." He threatened, bringing himself in an upright position, "Get over here and have a beer with me."

Murphy closed his quivering mouth that hung open. He pushed his body from the bed and gradually made his way to the table, taking a seat in the chair that Rocco's feet had just occupied.

Two Guinness's sat unopened on the table top.

"Eesh, man, you look like shit." The shaggy haired man said with a small laugh, handing the beer to his closest friend.

Murphy took the ice cold beverage and absent mindedly opened it, never taking his eyes from the man before him.

"You need to snap out of it!" Rocco exclaimed, clapping a hand on the brunettes shoulder, "Have a drink and calm the fuck down."

Murphy played with a smile on his face and took a small drink, "Ye look good, Roc."

"You don't."

"Yeah…well…"

"What's this shit, huh? Why you actin' like you don't know me?" Rocco sat back in his chair, taking a long drink of his beer.

"'m just…surprised te see ye."

"Don't be!"

Murphy sighed and relaxed his stance, looking back at Connor once again, who had not stirred.

"Took you fucking long enough to come around! I almost gave up and left." Rocco laughed once the twin brought his attention back to him.

"Where would ye'of gone?"

Rocco bit into his lower lip and smiled coyly, "You shouldn't ask me questions."

Murphy bowed his head silently, sipping on his drink.

"What the fuck, Murph! Seriously, man, this whole…" Rocco motioned to the disheveled twin, "Has got to go!"

"I miss ye." The Irish man whispered, leaning his elbows onto the table, "I don' know how to…"

"Talk to your best man? Oh c'mon, tell me how you've been."

Murphy chuckled, "Not good."

"I can see that."

"How're ye here?"

"I came back to check on yous twos. Thought maybe you were do'n better than I expected. But, fuck, was I fucking wrong. You need to stop this feeling guilty bullshit, lemme tell ya that."

Murphy brought his _Aequitas_ tatted hand to his face, absently rubbing his cheek, remembering the feel of those hardened fists repeatedly plowing into it. "Ye look good as new." He mumbled, noting Rocco's full 10 fingered hands.

"Yeah! I feel good as new, too, which is all the more reason for you to get the fuck over whatever is makin' you act like this way."

Murphy brought his eyes to the others and couldn't help but let out a heartfelt laugh. He had missed Rocco's remarks and harsh ways of showing affection. He had missed being in his presence, feeling good about everything and feeling at home.

"Wha's it like?" Murphy started, "Be'n dead?"

Rocco sighed deeply, running a hand over his mouth, "Uh, well…it's just like bein' alive, only you're less important. No one can see ya."

"Why can I?"

"Murph?" Connor's sleep filled voice ran through the air, startling the younger twin slightly. "What are ye do'n?"

"He can't see me." Rocco whispered, picking up his beer and standing from the chair.

Murphy eyed him curiously, "Why not?"

"Wha'?" Came Connor's reply. Murphy looked at the blond who was now sitting on the edge of the mattress, running his hands through his hair. The brunette turned his attention back to the Italian but all he saw was an empty chair.

"Just…uh…" He looked at the beer in his hands, "hav'n a beer."

"Ye need te sleep." Connor commented, walking towards his brother. He eyed the younger man skeptically, taking in the almost full beer and the sweat that lined his brow. "Ye don' look good."

Murphy scoffed lightly, "'m fine."

"…Murph. Ye know Roc wouldn't want te see ye like this."

Murphy couldn't help but smile sheepishly, "Yea."

"Nothin's yer fault." The blond started, rested a hand on the others shoulder.

The small framed man cleared his throat softly, setting the beer down onto the table with a small thud, "Don' worry, Con. 'm ok." He then stood from his position in the chair and lightly placed his hand over Connor's, "'night." He whispered with a smile, walking back to his bed.

Murphy allowed himself to relax into the sheets and sighed almost enjoyably. He welcomed sleep that came quickly and silently prayed that his dreams would be nightmare-free. He had a funny feeling they would be.

* * *

**A.N:** _I really hope you guys liked it. It'll pick up it's pace with the next chapter. Again; Thanks so much **DeathsIssue**, you are a sweetheart!_

_xo,  
_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it and I don't claim to. but, I do wish I did.

**Word Count:** 4,874

**Pairings:** Connor/Murphy - as always

**Chapter Rating:** R - Hard R: **yay for sex~**

**A.N:** After reading this over ten million times I was able to come up with 10 different ways I could have written this and improved it _immensely _and I'm bummed I didn't. but, In all honesty, I don't care for this fic and I'm just too damn lazy. BUT! I hope you guys enjoy it! Thankyousomuch **DeathsIssue**, you're just too sweet for beta'ing for me! **and there is smut in this! my apologies to anyone who read the first chapter and didn't know I was going to ship the twins!** ;*

* * *

The sun shone through the thin blinds of the hotel room, shattering the cold atmosphere Murphy was unwillingly enjoying. He welcomed the warmth and sat upright in his bed. His blue eyes scanned the small room, searching for his blond half, but when he came back empty handed he felt a small pang of hurt. Connor never left without consulting Murphy, it was a sort of unwritten rule, but here Murphy found himself: alone in a motel room, with just the dust mites to keep him company.

His head was still groggy from his deep slumber and the memory of Rocco was stamped in his brain. Had he been dreaming? It felt too real to just be a dream, but the brunette was no dummy. Rocco was dead and that was the end of it.

Slowly setting his feet on the maroon carpet, the younger twin hoisted himself off of the creaking mattress and made his way towards the bathroom. _Finally, _He thought to himself, _a warm shower._ As the water ran, he slowly peeled off his clothing. One item at a time. He avoided looking in the mirror, knowing that every piece of fabric that was removed revealed a cut or bruise that was too fresh for comfort, followed by a memory he was reluctant to revisit.

Stepping into the falling stream, the brunette winced lightly as the hot water cascaded over his mangled chest and shoulders, leaving a burning sensation with every touch. He rested his forehead against the chilled tile of the shower wall and allowed the water to wash away his emotions and all of his feelings of dread and guilt. Whether Rocco was just a dream or not, he knew what the Italian had said was true. It wasn't Murphy's fault, even if the _Aequitas_ twin felt that it was.

Murphy wasn't sure how long he stayed in this position, but soon his muscles fell apart and he felt as relaxed as he'd ever been. All he wanted to do was crawl back into bed and sleep the rest of his day away.

After washing himself quickly, he jumped from the stain glassed shower and wrapped the stocked towel tightly around his waist. The room was filled with steam and the mirrors were fogged beyond belief.

"Jesus Christ, have you always taken that long in the shower?"

Murphy nearly fell onto his back as the voice filled the room. "shit!" He nearly yelled, his heart jumping to his throat, "What the fuck're ye do'n?" He exclaimed at the shaggy man who was back in his seat at the table.

"I came to see you, what, there's a fucking problem with that now?" He shot back, standing from his position.

"No, but fucking hell, do ye always need to sneak up?" Murphy couldn't hide the smile on his face as he stared at his best friend, who looked nothing like a dream.

"Good to see you lightened up! Now go get fucking dressed, let's get some smokes."

* * *

Clouds filled the morning sky and soon covered the sun that had warmed Murphy only hours prior. He tightened his coat around his torso and smiled against the wind.

"I don't believe that you're really here." He mumbled, turning to face the Italian who only scoffed.

"Oh c'mon, Murph. Don't be so negative, I'm stayin'." The two shared a laugh as they closed in on the corner store, "Where's Connor ?"

Murphy made a small noise in his throat and turned his face away from Rocco, "I dunno."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Murphy could detect the slight sound of alarm in the other Male's voice.

"he didn't tell me any'thin." Silence covered over the men and the brunette silently wondered where his brother could be.

"Remember, no one can see me, alright? So, don't go talkin' to me in front of other people." Murphy nodded his head and pushed open the glass door to the gas station and took a place in line. "So, how you been do'n today?"

Murphy shrugged his thin shoulders, "Alright." He whispered, "I still don't understand how I can-"

"Can I help you?"

The brunette shook his attention from his friend and looked the cashier square in the eye, "Yeah, Marlboro Mediums. Two Packs."

"ID?"

Murphy fished into his pocket and pulled his wallet out. He delicately placed the card on the counter and watched the woman on the other side eye it momentarily before handing the two cigarette boxes over.

"That'll be 9.40." She stated.

Murphy grumbled to himself pulling the money out of his wallet, when had cigarettes been so fucking expensive?

The woman smiled sweetly as the brunette made his way out of the store with Rocco at his side.

"So, Roc…how are ye able to visit me?" He asked lighting two cigarettes and passing one to the other man.

"Ya can do whatever you want. This is really just…an after life."

The twin rolled the thought around in his head as he took long smooth drags from his cigarette. The motel room door came into view and Rocco stopped abruptly on the sidewalk,

"Listen, Murph. I want you to go out tonight, I want you to do something! Get your mind off this shit that happened and just try to enjoy a beer with Connor…for me."

Murphy eyed Rocco skeptically, thinking of how badly he just wanted to go inside and lay down and never move again. No matter how pathetic it seemed, it sounded wonderful. But, at this point, both him and Rocco knew that he would do anything the man asked of him. "Okay." He whispered, taking a final drag and tossing the butt into the parking lot.

"I'll come by tomorrow." The bearded male reassured, "We can talk more then."

Murphy nodded as he kept his head low. He didn't want Rocco to go but when he rose his head to look at the man, he was gone.

* * *

"Where the fuck 'ave ye been?" Connor's voiced boomed through the small room, "I've been fuckin' worried shitless."

Murphy threw the cigarette packs onto the table with a loud THUD and stared hard at the blond, "I could say the same fuckin' thin' te ye! You're not tha one who woke up in a fuckin' empty room."

Connor scoffed loudly, crossing his arms over his chest, "Smecker called. He needed to see me."

"Well, ye didn't leave a note or tell me before ye left, so what the fuck? Did ya think I was gonna sleep the whole fuckin' time?"

"Fuckin' hell I didn't, Murph!" Connor stomped over to the nightstand by Murphy's bed and picked up a small piece of paper. He threw the thin piece at his twin who continued to burn holes into the blond.

Murphy reluctantly grabbed the paper and read it quickly:

**_Smecker called, I'll be back as soon as I can. Don't go anywhere._**

**_-Conn _**

"Aye…" The smaller man whispered as he allowed the paper to slip from his fingers and fall to the carpet.

"Next time, fuckin' use your eyes." Connor's voice had softened but was still laced with irritation and Murphy thought better of it and let the subject go. The blond ran a hand down the back on his neck and watched his brother hang his head. Connor had no idea what was going on with his other half and it scared him, "Murph…" The brunette rose his blue eyes to meet the mirroring ones on the opposing man, "Smecker said we gotta get movin'. We best be out in two days."

The small twin nodded and took a seat on the edge of his bed, his eyes falling down to his feet, "Conn…?" The other grunted in response, "Can we go out tonight?"

Connor rose an eyebrow at the other and watched him uncertainly, "Ya-ya o'courseMurphy quickly forged a smile at his brother and couldn't help but feel a sharp pain in his chest as Connor's eyes brightened up. This wasn't going to be easy to fake.

* * *

The bar was quiet and mostly empty. A Sunday night seemed like heaven compared to the previous encounter Murphy had to endure. Connor once again guided the brunette by the arm to the bar stools located in the middle of the large building. A woman wearing a short black dress walked to the counter and smiled genuinely as she shifted her gaze between the brothers.

"What'll it be, boys?" Her voice was uncommonly high pitched and Murphy quickly found it to be annoying.

"Two Guinness's, please." Connor stated in his most appealing voice.

Murphy watched with wary eyes as the woman walked towards the back of the bar, retrieving two of the said beers and placing them back on the counter with a light thud. She directed a smile towards the blond and pranced away, her hips swaying in an unnatural fashion. Murphy scoffed softly as he took the beer into his hands and drained half of it's contents in one gulp.

"Ye seem better." Connor mumbled, following suit.

"Feel better."

The broader of the twins turned his body towards his younger brother and smiled small, "Murph…ye know I care 'bout'cha, I don't want te see ye like this anymore."

Murphy shrugged his shoulders in an irritable way and turned his face towards the rest of the bar, taking in all of his surroundings. Why did Connor find it necessary to talk about this? It only made it worse.

"Listen to me." Murphy quickly snapped his attention back to his brother who now spoke with severity. "'m worryin' too much 'bout ye, and I can't fuckin' take it, Murph. Ye look sick. Ye hardly eat, ye just lay in bed all day. What the fuck's wrong wit'cha?"

Murphy buried his face into his arms that laid across the bar and tried his best to ignore his brothers probing voice. "Jus fuckin' shut it!" Murphy bellowed out as he stood abruptly, knocking over the remains of his beer in the rush. "Fuck. You." He whispered, walking towards the entrance and disappearing through the doors. How could Connor be so heartless? How could he pretend nothing fucking happened?

* * *

The night air was cold and Murphy could feel the tips of his ears growing numb. The initial shock of anger had worn off the second he stepped out of the bar. He couldn't understand why Connor was always so calm. He was the opposite of Murphy, who seemed to always think with his heart and never his head. For as close as the two were, Murphy couldn't help but feel alone. Connor didn't feel what he felt.

"Murphy!"

The Irishman's deep voice echoed through the streets and the brunette felt a wave of anxiety hit him. He couldn't handle talking to Connor right now, he needed to be alone. He picked up his pace and made his way towards the motel as fast as he could without running. Maybe Connor would understand finally, maybe he would get the hint that Murphy didn't need him right now.

After multiple long strides and a handful of insults yelled by Connor, Murphy had made it to their room. He quickly swiped his card key and slammed the door behind himself. He didn't care whether or not Connor had his key.

The brunette was making his way towards the bathroom when Connor slammed through the door, "Wha'tha fuck?" He almost screamed, "Are ye insane?" He lunged forward and viciously grabbed Murphy by his shoulder, who let out a startled yelp as the two fell to the floor. Murphy quickly became aware of the fist flying towards his face. He pushed the man on top of him onto the ground in one sudden motion. Connor let out a loud 'oomph' as the carpet collided with his back. Soon the only noise in the old, dingy motel room was the packing sound of fists hitting their targets.

"I jus wanta know wha'tha fucks wrong wit'ye!" Connor snarled between blows. Murphy scoffed loudly, his balled hands gripping fiercely at his brothers jacket collar, "'ave ye ever thought," He growled back, harshly pressing the twos foreheads together, "I don'need'ye all tha fuckin' time?"

The room abruptly fell silent. Murphy still clenched his brothers jacket in his hands and their faces were still pressed together, but the brunette felt a sudden spike of angst. He had just said something that neither one had ever spoken aloud. He did need Connor, he needed him all the time. What had he just said?

"Get tha fuck off 'o me." Connor whispered hoarsely, pushing Murphy with all his weight, but the smaller twin didn't move. "Murph, fuckin-"

He had no idea what he was doing or why he had felt the urge to do it. But, Murphy soon found himself with his lips pressed almost brutally to the blonde's. He needed Connor, he always will. He didn't want to lose him, too.

Rough hands pressed hard against Murphy's chest and he was quickly thrown to the floor.

"What tha _fuck _are ye do'n?" Connor screamed as he stood rapidly, making his way towards the motel door, "You've fuckin' lost it!" And the door slammed, rattling the wide window next to Murphy's bed.

* * *

"You kissed him?" The Italian whispered hoarsely. His right ankle sat comfortably on his left knee, and his mouth hung slightly open.

"I don' fuckin' know why." Murphy hissed, "I jus…I don' fuckin' know, Roc. I don' know what te do, or how te jus forget 'bout something like that."

"This is some heavy shit, man." Rocco exhaled loudly, rubbing his temples. "You can't just forget 'bout it. You gotta talk to him." The long haired man stood from his usual seat and began pacing the motel. Murphy watched him intently. "Did it feel weird?" He finally asked, stopping his motions.

The brunette rubbed his palm on the back of his neck, quietly sighing, "Not…exactly."

"Not exactly? What the fuck, Murph? That's not a fuckin' answer. If you don't regret it…don't be sorry."

Murphy stared up at the man. Was he hearing his best friend correctly? This was such a bad situation. Murphy knew what he had done was completely wrong and worst of all; disgusting. He kissed his brother and he fucking liked it.

"Roc…I can't just fuckin' act like he ain't my brother."

"Don't look at it that way then." Rocco stood in front of the shorter male who was sitting at the table, and dropped to his knees. "Look, Murph…" He began, laying a supportive hand on the others shoulder, "It sounds fucked up, but you twos got a relationship that's different than any other. I'm not fuckin' retarded, Murphy. You have this weird way of thinkin'…and I think it's okay."

Murphy could feel his eyes prick with tears. Rocco had always accepted him. Whether it was killin' people…or loving his brother in a way that shouldn't exist.

"Go talk to him, man. Tell me about it tomorrow." The man wearing his usual trench coat stood slowly and leaned over the other male, leaning over him and hugging him gently, "Don't worry about this shit, you got it." He whispered and pulled away.

Murphy heard the doorknob shake lightly and he abruptly turned his attention to the now open door. Connor stepped in, his face grim and a bottle of Scotch gripped tightly in his hand. Murphy swiftly looked back towards his friend who was now gone. He felt so alone.

The small twin stood cautiously and stuffed his hands into his pockets, "Conn…"

"Shut it." The Irishman snapped as he brought the bottle to his mouth. Murphy noted it was almost half empty.

"No, Conn…I need te talk te ye."

"I don' want te fuckin' hear it, Murph." The blond hastily set the bottle down on the table and stalked towards the bathroom.

"Jus fuckin' listen to me, will ye?" Murphy snapped, grabbing the passing man by his forearm, "Jus fuckin' hear me out."

Connor slowly brought his liquor glazed eyes to the mirroring blue missals of his brother, "Aye." He grumbled.

"I fucked up. I don know-"

"Murph." Connor whispered, cutting off the brunette who now stood with his jaw clenched tightly shut. The blond stepped forward, gripping the others' forearms in his hands and pressing their foreheads together once again. Murphy shifted uneasily as Connors harsh gaze burned into him. The taller of the two swiftly pulled his face slightly away from the other and pressed his cheek to the opposing one of his brother. Connors lips pressed lightly to Murphy's ear, "It's okay." He mumbled.

Murphy stiffened as the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He watched as Connor pulled away, his half lidded eyes shining more blue than ever before. The blond slowly leaned forward, his lips slightly parted and Murphy felt a pang of longing fill his heart. He had never needed his brother this way, but it made everything else not matter. It made his heart feel whole again.

The smaller twin leaned into his brothers kiss and felt an instant shiver run up his spine. Murphy threw his hands into the blonde's hair and pulled their bodies unbearably close, begging for as much contact as he could get.

As the kiss deepened, Murphy couldn't help but feel that it was complete. There was no stumbling or sloppy motions. Their mouths fit perfectly together, seeming to move to a rhythm and the brunette felt a sudden urge to cry. This was what he needed.

Connor wrapped his arms around the small frame of his twin and pushed him towards the nearby bed. The two collapsed onto the cold sheets, their arms roughly entangled around one another. The blond swiftly moved his hands to Murphy's thighs, picking his legs up and positioning them around his hips. The brunette allowed the man full control and crossed his ankles once they were safely fit behind his brother. Connor snaked his arms back around Murphy's waist and picked him up in one fell swoop, positioning them in the middle of the bed.

Murphy fumbled with the bottom of Connor's shirt, almost begging him to take it off. Connor quickly sat up straight, stripping himself of the fabric and lunging at the cotton that covered the brunettes chest. Murphy's breath caught in his throat as he heard the clanking of Connor's belt buckle. Soon everything came into focus, this was real. This was really going to happen and Murphy felt petrified.

Connor locked eyes with his brother as he dug a sharp canine into his bottom lip. Murphy stared back, his breathing becoming erratic. He could hear his heart beating in his ears and he knew what he looked like: a scared little kid, and Connor wasn't blind. He could read Murphy better than their own mother.

"Murph…" He started but was soon silenced by the brunette who hastily pushed his lips to the others,

"Get the lotion." Murphy demanded.

Connor clenched his jaw noticeably and walked towards the bathroom. Murphy waited for his other half to be out of sight before stripping himself of his jeans and boxers. His arousal ached for release. It had been longer than Murphy could remember when he last felt any pleasure, and it was hitting him all at once how badly he wanted it. He could hear Connor opening and closing the cabinets in the other room and sub consciously Murphy gripped his length in his hand, squeezing and releasing his grip. The pressure sent a jolt up his spine and he couldn't help but arch his back off of the bed. Biting in his bottom lip, Murphy slowly began pumping his hand up and down. He couldn't believe how sensitive his nerves had become. A small moan slipped past his lips and he screwed his eyes shut hard enough to see small blotches of color form behind them.

"Here-"

Murphy almost flew off the mattress at the sound of his brothers deep voice. Connors face was brightened by a coy smile and his bottom lip was secured between his teeth, "Anxious, are ye?" He mouthed, dropping his remaining clothes and crawling up the bed to hover over the small male.

Murphy could feel his face flush, "shut it." He whispered, placing his lips delicately against the ones that had quickly became familiar.

Connor chuckled deeply as he coated his fingers with the lotion. Murphy squirmed slightly as he watched his brother do so, silently begging his body to relax. His gasped quietly at the feel of Connor's cold finger tips touching his entrance.

"Ye sure 'bout this?" The blond asked, pressing lightly.

Murphy nodded stiffly and widened his legs, causing the man above him to moan gently. The brunette inhaled sharply as the first finger slowly slipped into him. He took deep breaths and stared longingly up at the mirroring lustful eyes. Connor broke away from his brothers gaze and watched his fingers intently as he placed a second digit within the man below him.

The pain was minimum, but Murphy felt a strong surge of discomfort lace his body which only heightened as Connor began to scissor his fingers apart. The dominated man could feel his brother bend his fingers within him and his body jolted under the sensation of them gently pressing against his prostate. A suddenly loud moan erupted from the brunette's mouth. The man above him groaned in response as he watched his twin arch off of the bed. The blond could feel the short nails of the other dig crescents into his back as he deepened his penetration.

Connor swiftly added a third finger and watched in awe as Murphy's mouth fell open and his eyes squeezed shut. A constant moan filled the room as Connor began thrusting his fingers roughly into his brothers wanting body.

Murphy felt his erection begin to pulsate and his mind clouded over with pleasure. He quickly reached his hand down to cuff Connors' by the wrist, "Come 'ere." He whispered breathlessly as he removed the mans fingers.

Connor promptly positioned himself between the others legs and grabbed the bottle of lotion. Lathering himself to the hilt, the blond moaned gently, "Ye sure?" he asked again.

Murphy's lust filled eyes met his and it was all the assurance the elder twin needed. He pressed the tip of his arousal delicately to his brothers now stretched entrance and locked eyes once again.

"Aye…" He whispered.

Connor nodded in return and pressed forward. His breath caught in his throat as he felt the unbearable warmth of Murphy envelope his stiffened member. The nails on his back dug deep enough to draw blood and his senses were amplified beyond belief. "Fuck…" He mewled as the warmth cascaded down his shaft. "Murph." He moaned, nuzzling his face into the crook of his brothers neck.

Murphy clenched his jaw agonizingly tight causing his teeth to ache. The intrusion was excruciating. His body felt melted down to nothing as Connor continued to sink deeper into him. Murphy slid a shaking hand up to cup the back of Connor's now exposed neck.

"Ye okay?" Connor asked. He could feel Murphy's body trembling below him.

"Aye." Murphy croaked, wrapping his legs around Connors firm hips, hoping to ease off some of the pressure.

Connor quickly pulled out of his brother, who instantly shot a confused look towards him, "Get on yer stomach…it might feel better tha' way."

Murphy did as he was told and slowly positioned himself on his elbows and knees. He pressed his forehead to his forearms as he felt Connor shift himself back to his previous place. "I'll go slow." He assured as he pressed forward once again, breaching Murphy's body and sending quakes of pain throughout the brunette. The pressure was lighter, allowing the dominated man a sigh of relief. He felt Connor thrust slowly and rhythmically inside of him and soon the pain melted away. The discomfort still lingered as the blond penetrated deeper, in search of Murphy's sweet spot.

The smaller twin sank his body down to the mattress, allowing his chest to rest against the sheets. Small spacious moans briefly began to glide out of his mouth as Connor's thrusts quickened and all at once Murphy's world came shattering down. Pleasure rippled viciously through his body and his moans suddenly became urgent and deafening. He felt Connor roughly hit his prostate over and over, sending him into a small state of shock.

Connor gripped severely onto Murphy's hips, pulling his body back to meet the blonde as he thrust forward. The sound of skin hitting skin filled the motel room and Connor began moaning heavily as his body was taken over by bliss.

Murphy felt Connor's rough hand grip his hair, pulling the brunette's head back and exposing his throat. The blond leaned forward catching Murphy's mouth in a forceful kiss that the smaller of the two moaned loudly into.

"Fuck." Connor snarled, pressing his hand to Murphy's side, "Turn over." He demanded loudly. Murphy quickly pulled away from the blonde's body and turned to lay on his back. He skin had barely touched the bed sheets when Connor pushed himself back into his brother. The change of positions sent a different sensation through Murphy's body. He felt himself tighten around Connors erection, causing the man above him to moan wildly.

Connor reached between the brunette's legs and gripped roughly onto the others leaking cock and began pumping eagerly, matching his hand motions with his thrusts.

Murphy threw his head back and arched off of the bed as his mouth hung open in one long moan. The pleasure was overbearing. He could feel his legs trembling and his breathing become rapid. His peak was so close, he could taste it.

"Fuck…" he managed to whisper out, "Connor. I'm gonna fuckin' cum."

Connor almost ceased all movements at the sound of his brother. His heart beat madly as he felt a shiver run up his spine. He gripped Murphy's thighs and hooked them on his shoulders, causing the man below him to let out a hearty moan as Connor pressed his forehead to the others', "Tell me again." He demanded.

Murphy locked eyes with his brother and snickered coyly, "Make me cum." He whispered fiercely. Connor let out an almost animalistic growl and dug his nails deep into Murphy's thighs.

The blond slammed his hips repeatedly to the man on his back whose moans had quickly altered to pleasure filled whimpers. Connor bit heavily into his lip, tasting blood on his tongue as his teeth broke through the skin. His pulse had doubled and breathing was off balance. The sheer sight of Murphy pushed Connor to no return. The brunette had his legs firmly hooked on his brothers shoulders, his hands roamed freely about on the others' body. His hands shook and his body became limp as he allowed the man complete control over him.

Connor snapped his hips once more, feeling the sudden rush of ecstasy fly through his body. He held back his moans as Murphy's soon took over. Connor watched in fascination as his brother writhed beneath his fingertips. The younger twins moans were passionate and loud as he pulled Connor down to catch his mouth in an intimate kiss filled with small whimpers and panting breath. Connor could feel his own body jerking within the now spent twin of his.

The blond slowly pulled away from the dark vigilante and sat back on his knees.

Murphy looked down at the mess that covered him and exhaled deeply, "can ye-" but Connor was already in the bathroom looking for a towel, "'ere." He mumbled, handing the fabric over to his brother who took it quickly and attempted to clean himself off.

"Fuck it." Murphy grumbled as he stood awkwardly, "'m just gonna take a shower." He whispered, throwing the towel back at his brother who caught it midair.

"'ey." Connor called out as the brunette turned the corner to the bathroom, "Come 'ere?"

Murphy eyed the blonde skeptically before walking back towards him, "Wha?"

Connor quickly threw his arms out, wrapping them around Murphy's naked frame and pulled his body close. He placed his lips against his brothers and delicately ran his tongue over them. He chuckled when he felt the brunette smile, "Don' be long." He whispered, letting the man go.

Murphy nodded with a smile making his way, once again, towards the dingy bathroom.

* * *

**A.N:** _I really hope you guys liked it! There will be one more chapter and it'll be finished! Which is extremely exciting for me since I have yet to complete a chapterfic. -I'm sorry to anyone who reads my Gossip Girl fics. I've just been crazy for the Saints lately. And again: **DeathsIssue**, love love love ~_

_xo,  
_


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